


642 Things to Write About - Dirk Gently

by imkerfuffled



Series: 642 Things to Write About [2]
Category: Dirk Gently (TV), Dirk Gently - Douglas Adams
Genre: 642 things to write about, Gen, Teeny tiny prompt fics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:19:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4103977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imkerfuffled/pseuds/imkerfuffled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1- Dirk has a <s>very good</s> reason for not paying his American Express bill.<br/>2- Dirk tries to <s>explain</s> bullshit his way out of trouble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Why you forgot to pay your credit card bill

**Why you forgot to pay your credit card bill**

 

Dear American Express,

You do realize I’m not American, right? That alone should be reason to exempt me from paying your bill. Besides, due to the fundamental interconnectedness of all things, it is imperative that some people leave their bills unpaid. There is such a surplus of dutiful bill-payers in this world that I am simply returning balance to the universe by attempting to lessen that surplus.

-Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective


	2. Explain to your boss why you spent $5000 during one business meeting and why they should reimburse you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk tries to ~~explain~~ bullshit his way out of trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would take place maybe during a rough patch in his detective agency when he had to get another job to pay the bills, since he's already using his interconnectedness line.

**Explain to your boss why you spent $5000 during one business meeting and why they should reimburse you**

 

_Tap tappity tap tap tappity tap tappity tap tap tap tappity tap..._

His boss’s fingertips choreographed a little dance across the desk, while her eyes breathed fire in his face. Dirk stood across from her, separated by a shield of solid oak from her smouldering wrath, and imagining he could hear a hiss of steam pouring from her ears.

Dirk got the strangest feeling this meeting would end badly for him.

When at last he thought her face couldn’t get any redder, she hissed through clenched teeth and pointed at the desk.

“Would you like to explain this to me?” Again, her fingers did their tapping thing, but this time it was to draw attention to a slip of paper sitting innocuously in front of her.

“I’d love to,” Dirk replied warily, “If I could read upside down.”

Her face discovered a shade of red which Dirk was certain the world had never seen before. “This is a five thousand dollar charge” she growled, “On the company credit card. I don’t suppose you have any idea how it got there, do you?”

“No, I’m afraid not,” Dirk frowned and adjusted his tie, “but I’m sure whoever put it there had their reasons.”

At that remark, his boss turned a remarkable shade of purple and started shaking uncontrollably. “Gently,” she snarled, “I know you spent that money in Boston last week, and if you don’t give me a damn good excuse for this, so help me God, I-” she broke off, her face contorted into the stuff of nightmares. Dirk decided he didn’t want to find out what she needed God’s help to do to him.

“Oh, um… that,” he said with his customary wit and charm, “For a second I thought you meant… but nevermind. You see, ma'am, it all has to do with the fundamental interconnectedness of-”

“YOU’RE FIRED!”


End file.
